That Sleepless Night- A Short Story..!!

There was something unusual about that night. That night longed more than the usual nights. After all, that night made him an insomniac. He was unable to sleep,“sleeping” which was the thing he always self-proclaimed to be the best at..!!  He changed sides just to check if they were a problem, logged into his face book account to see the girls he, otherwise, enjoyed stalking, listened to his favourite playlist which normally played anesthesia, started reading the novel he had borrowed from his friend, but all hell. He left no bit in trying things from no-thing to some-thing to every-thing.

 Yet he was wake, all awake. He was actually standing in an absolute silence just to get connected to his conscience. A meek voice was coming to his ears but inaudible. These blur voices made him more restless.Frustrated, he decided to wait, to wait for the sleep. However, tears rolling down his cheek and the continuous yawns came no late. Neither did he waste any second in realising that he was “Sleepy”now. Delighted, he was..!! For, the mission of the night was achieved. He checked his cell to exclaim”HHiiiit...!!!Heck!!!..What Wrap..!!”

It was his waking time..!!

He knew he had to dress himself up. He rather did it in no time.Having checked his bag packs, he started moving out of his house,  to move to the place he had long been waiting for. Balancing the two bags on both his shoulders, trying to maintain the pace of the trolley and his injured leg, he had started moving.

All this while, he was seen smiling. He was actually moving to the beats of the song he had been listening, and kept walking. He was stopped and waved by many a people who saw him ,however, nobody got any responses.  He was seen walking on the road, preferably,called, The Infinity Road, by his friends, for, it seemed a never-ending road.

His friend, Aniket, who wakes up every early morning for jogging saw him disappear on that ‘’Infinity road..!!‘ And all this while, this gentle man, kept on moving. He had moved past the bus stand, he was intended to go, all lost in his own world. It was only the cranky horn of a bus which made him coming back to his senses again.  Got into the right bus, having ear phones plugged into his ears, he had closed his eyes and sneaked into sleep while still wondering and lingering on what made him sleepless the last night..??  That smile on his face, that the bus conductor wanted to capture in his cell phone..!!  The innocence of his tiring sleep, the carefree and the composure on his face spoke a lot. The feeling of contentment was free-flowing and genteel, withheld an insouciant look of the gentleman, and had a docile smell in the air as if saying to everybody, "You can't know it until you live it"..!! 

Love,
Utk..!! 

Sacrifice..!!

It all started with a battle,

Lucky in the battle of sperms…

Lucky among the fellow Egg-mates…

They say, “Survival of the fittest”…

He believed… “Luckiest among the fittest”…

Got matured and yet realising…

He was here for the sacrifice..!!

How I wish I could be him..!!

I saw him frightened…

I saw the futile trials to escape…

To escape from the bilious hands…

To abscond to a new selfless world…

And then he realises…

He was here for the sacrifice..!!

That stroke numbed him…

I saw the heart beat stopping…

Feathers flapping…silence around…

Skinned out, crumbled and dispatched…

Losing the luck…Losing the life..!!

 Happy in the end..!!

How I wish I could be him..!!

Being part of someone’s happiness…

Sacrificing life… and yet happy…

For the mission of life is completed…

So selfless did god make you..!!

 In such a selfish world...

How I wish I could be you…

How I wish I could be contended…

Seeing the end…and yet realising…

I was here for this...The Sacrifice..!!

How I wish...
How I wish.. I could be him..!!

Love, 

Utk..!!

Life- as I see

On the first day, 
God created the dog and said, 
"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, 
"That's a long time to be barking.. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed......
On the second day, 
God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, 
"Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God agreed......
On the third day, 
God created the cow and said, 
"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, 
"That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again......

On the fourth day, 
God created humans and said, 
"Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said, 
"Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God. 
"You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

Love,

Utk..!!

We- THE MANGO PEOPLE(Aam Aadmi)

Not many days have passed when Mr Vadra hit the news headlines again. No, not with the scams this time..but with his twitter followings..and the tweet: “Mango People in Banana Republic”.  This tweet was one of its own kinds. The short tweet of 32 characters (much beyond the twitter’s 140 characters limitations) was a missile and is indeed the perfect summary, if you write about the common man of the World’s largest democracy, India..!!

I don’t know whether I should be happy or unhappy for being the one among the several Mango people in the country..?? But, hell yes, I am a part of it.

I am one among the common crowd of the common people who still thinks he is powerful because he has the power to vote. I am the one who thinks the opposition party in the running government would be a successful and the worthy ruling party in the next session. I am the one who still hesitates to go to the police station to seek help or to inform about some lame thing happening. I am the one who still believes getting things done from the government offices mean bribing the juniors/helpers. I am one among that mango crowd who feels paying bucks for passport verification to police comes under a regulated scheme of passport making. I am one among the people who thinks travelling in public transport may be the last tour, I do. I am one among the several mangoes who still refers BIHAR as LALU YADAV’s Dynasty, MUMBAI as BOLLYWOOD City, GUJARAT as RIOT CITY and DELHI as RAPE CITY. I am the one among the several people who thinks “Saving taxes means adding to the property”. I belong to that group of common people who think fundamental rights can easily be accessed and the one who doesn't give fundamental duties a damn..!! I am one among the crowd who barks “Incredible India” but end up being a mere spectator of the heinous rape incidents, followed by being a member of the candle march done in order to protest. I am one among that crowd who believes the great news reporters charging allegations on the people fighting against the corruption, a news channel headed by the Murderers..!!  I am one among the several people who believes Kasab was really hanged. I am one among the crowd standing behind the doors of the celebrities and declare day a successful just because I met him. I am the one from that crowd who listens to all the politics on the tea-stall and decide the future of the country with a cigarette in my hand. I am one from the crowd who thinks we have right to discuss about Sachin’s retirement. I am the one who can prove to be a good coach if given a chance because I can surely teach as how to bowl and how should the fielders be set and practised. I am the one who thinks reservation is worthless, but then stand for it near the Parliament. I am the one who thinks strike is the best remedy to any problems in the country and that the government really pays heed to it. I am the one who still prepares for IAS exams and dreams to change the country’s future, but end up demanding cashes, when people come for help. I am also one among the several people following Asharam Bapu and believing that calling the rapists, BHAIYA can save girls from being raped. Eventually I am also one among the several people enjoying Arnab Goswami’s bash to the President’s son, Abhijit Mukherjee, for calling “dented and painted women vulnerable to being raped.” I am one among crowd of several renowned institutions of the country; say IITs and IIMS, who believe India a place not worthy to live in. I am one from the group of people against the hating speech of Mr Owaisi, but could otherwise fight in favour of Hindus, Muslims, and Christians, if a riot occurs.

Lastly, to conclude, I am one from the group of that Mango people who has answer to every questions and the one who ends up every time saying, “I am a common man. What can I do..??”

So, Mr Robert the nation’s son-in-law Vadra (his full name), what I say is; you are right. Yes, we are mango people.

Of course with no offence,

Love,

Utk..!!

I am a girl. Does this mean I should be raped..??

Rape, a heinous crime, (well who doesn’t know it), makes me ask just a few thousand questions. What is the motive behind a rape?? What does the culprit get out of the barbaric act?? What is a psychology of a rapist?? Is it a power play?? Is it a way to vent out frustration and anger?? Asserting control and dominance over a physically weaker being, what has 'he, a man' been trying to prove over years?? What is a rapist's childhood like?? What was the role of a woman in his life?? How was/is his wife, sister, daughter like? Did he hate women since his growing years so much that he tried to take revenge on them through raping every other woman?? What triggers committing of a rape?? And many more….. All I understand is that it is the weak and the insecure who tries to dominate and hungers for power. It is the weak who is not at peace. So, how can this weaker being suppress an actually strong person who has no ill-intentions?? There is certainly no pleasure in something like rape. Unless your partner is happy how can you derive happiness or pleasure out of that physical intimacy?? Can rehabilitation help these mentally sick beings?? Can getting them spiritually-inclined help them?? Can any baba, guru or God help them transform?? Have these rapists ever said a prayer?? Can these animals be transformed into being human?? Can this humiliating behaviour on their part be pardoned?? Why do we not punish them twice as brutally so as to set the right example?? 'Kshama’ or excusing them is a crime. Letting them roam freely is a crime, which brings as much disgust as the crime itself. I was in college when I first heard the word 'mindfuck'. I understand the meaning of it today. Every evening when your concerned parents ask you to get back home before dark, you know it's a mindfuck. You retaliate but you know they are right. You curse being born in a country which is hypocrite about respecting women. Every time you walk on the street, you have to be alert of who's walking next to you, behind you, ahead of you, what if a car stops and pulls you in it, what if someone brushes past you inappropriately in a crowded public transport, what if, what if, what if….. Now that 'what if' day in and day out is a mindfuck. This morning I was travelling in the women's compartment of the metro like any other day. A handbag of a woman standing right behind me touched me. I almost turned back in fury. Such was the degree of my scare and insecurity. A handbag of a woman in the women's compartment of a metro scared me. Un believable?? No. This is the kind of fright women of this country live in. Courtesy: The great rapist clan of India. Under the nose of seat of power such acts are committed and what will the AAM AADMI (Mango people, as he says- yes, the National son in law- Mr Vadra) do?? Candle light marches?? Ask 'Am I just a body'?? Some mighty politicians ask for hanging the accused in 30 days. Why 30 days?? This can't be tolerated for even 30 minutes. Why are the police allowing these rapists to cover their faces? Unmask them, demands India. I don't want a fast track courts but public hanging of such………s(exactly), and I run out of words to define them. They outrage the modesty and see this Delhi Incident..!! Are we still going to swallow this silently?? If they can't be handled by law then, animal laws must apply to these rapists. There should be fear in their mind before doing it. Why pray for the girl?? Why should she survive?? Do we even know how to treat a girl who has faced what only she has?? And, you know what is funny..!! Some movie director will cash on the tragedy. What a shame!! She is courageous to wish for life and urging 'save me, I want to live'. 'This' is the strength of a woman only if some pseudo-men of this country would have a realisation. What was her fault?? She wasn't dressed inappropriately, she didn't invite attention, she was not drinking in a pub (as most hypocrites think doing these things mean an open invitation..”RAPE ME. I am here and like this for being RAPED”), she only wanted to get home to her family. Is that a crime??? I wonder if there is actually a God, if prayers mean anything at all. I wonder why we worship 'Shakti'. Faith and hope are losing their meaning. Humanity is long lost too. Not proud, but ashamed to be an Indian today. My brain harps on Amitabh's dialogue from 'Sarkar'..” soch ko maaro.” Yes, kill the thought. The thought of rape needs to be killed. Mind you…!!!! It’s not about the time of the day or night. While curiosity is one of the major reasons why rapes happen, 'I can get away with it' attitude is another major factor that leads to the disgusting attempt of rape, I suppose. I remember my mother telling me 'don't smile or laugh on the road' when we shared a joke. She said it attracts attention and thus, you must not show your happiness. As a young girl I thought what is this world I live in? A world where being happy is a crime. I wore suits to my dance classes and my mother would not let me step out if my “dupatta”was wrapped around my neck. I could not believe that there were rules to wearing a simple Salwar Kameez, all thanks to Indian men.
 • Here are the 3 reasons why men rape: 'I can get away with it' attitude, the weak judicial system and us, the society who sits pretty not making noise when these culprits are pardoned by the system. We are as powerful as any government in power. We are the people: the voice of the country; they are because of us not us, because of them.
• The way we bring up a male child in our society. Parents and schools are at fault for not teaching men how to cook and clean just as women, for telling them that there is a difference between a man and woman and their duties and responsibilities are different. When your father does not treat your mother right, speak up. When a brother does not treat his sister right, speak up. When a boyfriend does not treat his girlfriend right, speak up.
• Hunger for power over the weaker: this is only human nature. Everyone from Akbar to the Alexander loved power, so do these rapists. If you truly wish to experience power, exercise power over your 'Indriyaan' or exercise self-control. Only weak try and control others, the strong exercises self-control. There is still a lot to talk about RAPE. Alas...Not worth the effort..!!! I have still not talked about the victim. What about her life, her dreams, her future and her experiences..?? Oh, I am scared to imagine that..!! May it never happen to any girl..!! Hope Indian men understand this..!!

 Love,
 Utk..

Meri Maa- The Mother

Mother, who gave us her heart... her very soul,
Mother, who's understanding never wavered, 
Mother, the one who dried our tears, 
Mother, she leads us to the path of Her Love, 
Mother, who washed our cloths and cleaned the house, 
Mother, who instilled confidence in her children, 
Mother, who walked us to school,
Mother, who loved us like no other, 
Mother, who quelled the anger within us, 
Mother, who drove us to all our practices, 
Mother, who never forgot our special occasions,  
Mother, who always supported our father, 
Mother, who scrimps and saved for our daily needs. 
Mother, who is always the last to eat,
Mother, who was always the first to rise. 
Mother, who cares for the animals, 
Mother, a love that know no limits,

Mother, who doesn’t let her family know her pain,
Mother, who forever places her family, before herself,
Mother, who is  grateful, for every passing acknowledgement,
Mother, whose eyes shines, when she hears the words, 
Mother, who always see the good in us,
Mother, who always teaches us to never, never, give up,
Mother, who instils in us, to be better,
Mother, who makes us believe, we could accomplish anything,
Oh..Mother, mother...mother, you are like no other…!!

Love, 

Utk..

Aspects of Life..

“And I have to say it now, It’s been a good life in all..

It’s really fine to have a chance to hang around..

And lie there by the fire and watch the evening tire..

And talk of poems and prayers and promises..

And the things we believe in..

How sweet it is to love someone, how right it is to care!
How long it's been since yesterday, and what about tomorrow?
And what about our dreams and all the memories we share
The days they pass so quickly now...Nights are seldom long
And time around me whispers when it's cold
The changes somehow frighten me still I have to smile
It turns me on to think of growing old, for though my life's been good to me
There's still so much to do"

Love, 

Utk..

A Free Me..

I am free..

Free from the diabolical spirits,

Free from the unregulated relationships,

Free from the selfish giants,

Free from the normal crowd,

Free from the aimless groups,

Free from this dummy world,

bcoz..

I am born with the potential to make my own,

I am born with the calibre to turn down impossible,

I am born with dignity, never giving up attitude,

I am born with the wings to fly, to fly high, to reach the sky,

I am born with the spark to lighten the darkness,

I am born with my own world, 

I am born with humanism,

I am born with my aim,

I am born with the vision to see the crater,

I am born with the distinguished sentiments,

I am born with the failures,

I am born and born and born,

I am born every day,

I am born with the sunlight marking its presence in the sky,

I am born with the stars and the nights dimming,

I am born with freshness,

Coz I am not born once, I am born everyday..!!


Love, 
Utk..

LAP OF LIFE..

So many people around, I feel intimidated…

So many losers around, I feel lost…

So much beauty around, I feel deprived…

So much intrigues me, I feel confused…

Temptations lure me, I lose my way…

Discontent with my past, Lost in the present,

Worried about the future…

Wondered…

Whether life’s just a dream...or a nightmare…!!

I started running, I wanted to break free from this body…

Or probably, I wanted to tame it…

Whatever it meant, I was trying to silence my mind…

Blabbering in chaos, So that I could feel peace…

Within… and Outside…!!

Thoughts cringe me, pulling me back, As I gasped for life and kept running…

Was it compulsion or my choice..??

Whatever it is, just kept running…!!

Flickering thoughts… Money..Desires..Fame.. Chase me…

I run away, for a reason I don’t know…

Silence dawns.. Lake is silent..I seem to hold the track and make sense of my journey…

The passing woods make me think…

”Does life run through me or I run through life or have we both run into each other..??

 Without a purpose..!!

We breathe all the time, every moment we live, But now I am actually breathing...

Senses come alive, Wind breezed pass my ears, Sweat blinds my sight, Heart pounds with an upbeat…

And Exhilaration…

For more…more life…!!

As I sustained my breath, loneliness gripped me…

I was alone…All alone..!!

I was related to no one, just me and my path…

Leading to a goal, which I was unaware of…

I felt inspired as the journey tasted me and I told myself to edge on…

And keep running…!!

There was no one around to relate to...and feel burdened…

Running helped me…!!

Empty my mind and feel the silence, of this emptiness...!!

It gave me answers without words, It made sense without any reason...

I hadn't realized yet, the Journey had not yet begun…

It doesn't begin on flat terrains…

It begins where one has to rise and keep climbing…

The slopes of challenge…!!

And many a few don’t foresee it, and give in along the way…

Pain is real on the slope..!!

I need to speed up and not just to go the distance…

As the summit approaches, many realize…

Life’s battles are lost by your mind…

But won by your heart...

And on this peak, one sees the past…

A race of mind, as the grind begins…

Scramble of feet, Laps pass by…

Time runs slow, pain floods your senses…

And in a blink, the battle is lost..!!

When you lay down defeated, feeling worthless and vulnerable…

Even that brief brush of innocence drenches you with joy..!!

And you feel this pure bliss, probably for the first time in your life…

And you don’t even know, WHY…

Sometimes I wish, that I had never grown up,

To get caught in this lure of life, and had forever stayed,

In this childish oblivion and aimless wilderness…!!

Floating around like the free spirit, hoping to stay afloat...forever…

But then you realize that you can only wish..!!

Love…Desire…Hope…

The chase is always on, this race never ends…

In fact it takes one whole lifetime…

So is it the end?? Not at all…

Because the lap of life has just begun..!!

There are many times I questioned my existence…

The purpose of my life…Why am I here..??...

 I wonder if life’s like a puff of smoke...

Arising out of nowhere and going nowhere…

All I can do is to rise with it and rise as high as I can…

And...Disappear..!!


Love, 
Utk..

ME and MY DARK NIGHT

Night is the most difficult time of a person. While others may one day envy us for the marvellous growth we experienced in such a short, intensified period, we will, because of the pain of our experience, always feel profound compassion for those whom we one day see going through a similar night. What happens with me usually is, being caught between the old way of life and the new possibilities and the sense of alienation intensifies. I feel lonely. The sense of inadequacy and not knowing what to do next becomes gnawingly constant… Walking down the street alone one horrible night..And so, I feel completely alone. Sure, I have friends and I appreciate them, but I sometimes get keenly unaware that they are not capable of feeling what I am feeling or knowing what I am going through. Sometimes they seem like clowns, but, sometimes they seem empty-headed, caught up in meaningless pursuits. They do not understand, I think, how much I am suffering or how I cry out and pray deep into each midnight. I try their advice but it doesn’t seem to touch the heart of the matter. And then I begin to enter the DARK NIGHT in an earnest when I feel completely stranded. In the fullness of the dark night I don’t know where I am spiritually. And, I am separate from God and man. I do not know where to turn. My friends love me and wish me well but my condition does not improve. I feel that “The dark night “is a very private matter. The person in the dark night is generally able to function quite well despite inner suffering. Often my acquaintances never suspect that I am going through the dark night — they probably do not even know what it is. Only people close to me — especially friends along the path — can recognize my pain. I feel like a hollow person doing the activities of life with no motivation except expediency. My eyes seem deeper in my head. I am profoundly aware of the suffering of humanity and the cruelty of one person to another… I know the pains, the agonies, the undesired experiences, untold miseries…and I pray every body on this earth live a life and that they never meet their DARK NIGHT..!!

Love, 
Utk..

MOON v/s LOVE

The best part or the worst part about Love…. It is never constant……..

It either is waning or waxing like the moon. There comes a little time when it totally disappears….AMAVASYA. Then there is a time when it is full bloom……..PURNIMA. We all know what happens after AMAVASYA- the moon a start growing towards another full moon so does love….. End of one beginning of other. Similarly, PURNIMA says you have reached a peak but unfortunately cannot be consistent there, so bound to slide down, careful or the love might become extinct with time. The shades of moon and love are numerous. It is different to different eyes. Just to quote, Beauty lies in the eye of beholder and of course love dims the vision and logic flies of the mind and soothes heart with rosy pictures- that is love in its crude form. No two love is its similar in any form- correlation is vain exercise and comparisons are never true. Moon never rises from the same place, so does love never come from anticipated people, so they it just happens sometimes with right person sometimes wrong person- but love is always right. Just imagine on KARWA CHAUTH, when the ladies of the whole world are busy chasing the moon, it is evasive but smiles wonderfully and comes dresses in orange yellow robe befitting the kings robe or worship.

Love is elusive too if you try to hold it closer the more slippery it is. Similarly, it is like viewing the moon in a pond or seeing through a mirror. Love is love, doesn't try to explain or bind it with words. The expanse of the moon you can fathom but not the depths. You feel lighter on the moon, you feel lighter at heart with love inside you. Moon has crater, love has its own crater too- I prefer it calling lust. Each crater has its own depth, so does lust. Moon doesn't allow lovers to sleep so does love doesn't allow lovers to sleep!!

Do u agree??    


Love, 
Utk.. 

Why are you so far..??

                        Reaching for the moon coming back empty hand,

Tears rolling, heart breaking, maybe I am just dreaming,

When others look at me and ask me what happened,

I don’t know what to say, so I keep on smiling

They keep asking….

"Did you reach the moon yet, isn’t it what you need??

Did you get closer, touched it and felt the heat??

How long has it been since you have been trying??

Don’t wait too long sweet heart time is flying. "

I thank them for their advice and I say I will try,

You are right my friends’ time really flies.

Though I know in my heart the sleepless nights,

The courage it took, my prayers and my thoughts,

How I wished and dreamed how much I tried,

How much I want to say, I got a hold of it.

Oh sweet moon why are you far away??

You made the sky your field to play with my mind,

When I come near to you, you run away and hide,

When I give up and walk you shine your light,

Should I just let you go, or should I keep on waiting??

Do you need some time, or should I quit on trying??

May be it is time to let you reach for me,

Come to me sweet moon before it is too late,

The sun have been waiting to take over your place,

                        But if you come on time we can all celebrate..!!

Love,
Utk..