ME and MY DARK NIGHT

Night is the most difficult time of a person. While others may one day envy us for the marvellous growth we experienced in such a short, intensified period, we will, because of the pain of our experience, always feel profound compassion for those whom we one day see going through a similar night. What happens with me usually is, being caught between the old way of life and the new possibilities and the sense of alienation intensifies. I feel lonely. The sense of inadequacy and not knowing what to do next becomes gnawingly constant… Walking down the street alone one horrible night..And so, I feel completely alone. Sure, I have friends and I appreciate them, but I sometimes get keenly unaware that they are not capable of feeling what I am feeling or knowing what I am going through. Sometimes they seem like clowns, but, sometimes they seem empty-headed, caught up in meaningless pursuits. They do not understand, I think, how much I am suffering or how I cry out and pray deep into each midnight. I try their advice but it doesn’t seem to touch the heart of the matter. And then I begin to enter the DARK NIGHT in an earnest when I feel completely stranded. In the fullness of the dark night I don’t know where I am spiritually. And, I am separate from God and man. I do not know where to turn. My friends love me and wish me well but my condition does not improve. I feel that “The dark night “is a very private matter. The person in the dark night is generally able to function quite well despite inner suffering. Often my acquaintances never suspect that I am going through the dark night — they probably do not even know what it is. Only people close to me — especially friends along the path — can recognize my pain. I feel like a hollow person doing the activities of life with no motivation except expediency. My eyes seem deeper in my head. I am profoundly aware of the suffering of humanity and the cruelty of one person to another… I know the pains, the agonies, the undesired experiences, untold miseries…and I pray every body on this earth live a life and that they never meet their DARK NIGHT..!!

Love, 
Utk..